


Tumblr Mini-Fic #14: Sherlock's Brain

by berlynn_wohl



Series: Tumblr Mini-Fics [14]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 09:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1546382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berlynn_wohl/pseuds/berlynn_wohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of a series of Johnlock mini-fics written for my Tumblr followers. Someone asked for a crossover with the classic Trek episode "Spock's Brain."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tumblr Mini-Fic #14: Sherlock's Brain

So Moriarty shows up at 221B in a purple dress and some weird-ass rubber suspender-boots and he knocks everyone out with a wristband he probably stole from some creepy-ass Cold War experimental installation like HAARP.

When everyone wakes up, Sherlock is missing. John gets a text from Molly like **u need to come pick up ur bf he is sleepin down here**. But when John shows up at Bart’s Sherlock is on life support and Molly is like “Sherlock’s brain is gone and it’s all your fault!” And John is like “Wut.” And Molly’s crying, “I heard you at the pub saying to Lestrade that you were going to go home and shag Sherlock’s brains out but I didn’t think you would actually doooo iiiiittttt.”

But then John remembers what happened before he lost consciousness. Then Mycroft shows up and John is like “You are never ever going to believe the wack shit that has happened.”

But Mycroft can believe some very wack shit indeed.

Mycroft stays chill as fuck and he’s like, “We have to find Sherlock’s brain and put it back in his head within 24 hours or all hope will be lost.” And John is like, “Oh really, 24 hours? Like you hired some boffins to run some numbers and they determined that a human being _can live without a brain_ , but only if it is _somehow returned to their skull_ within precisely 24 hours?”

And Mycroft is like, “Yes.”

Then he says, “Also, Sherlock is going with us to recover his brain, so that we can put it back right away when we find it. Here’s a remote control. Hook it up to Sherlock so you can walk him around. It can’t be that difficult, he was already basically a TiVo to begin with.”

John is like “You’re asking me to perform surgery on Sherlock? Damn it, Mycroft, I’m a doctor, not a doc—oh…right. I’ll get right on that, then.”

In the meanwhile Mycroft gets out his phone and types “Moriarty” into Google Maps and it gives him directions from his location. When they get there, they’re attacked by some big bearded dudes in raggedy clothes and John is like “Oh shit, this can not be good, I have seen _Deliverance_.” But John manages to stun one and he asks what the deali-o with this place. The man says, “You’re small, like the other ones, the Givers Of Pain And Delight.” And John is like, “You mean the cast of _Supernatural_?”

The man looks at John for a long time and finally he’s like, “I like your shoelaces.” John smiles and says, “Thanks, I stole them from the President.”

Meanwhile John has got this remote control that he’s hooked up to this ill metal hat he put on Sherlock. When he pushes a button, Sherlock starts to walk, and John is like _Damn, the only thing stiffer then his gait is my cock seeing him in that tight jumpsuit. I have never been thirstier in my life, although that might just be because we beamed down to a planet with no drinkable water._

So they find this cave and they all go inside but this door drops closed behind them and it’s an elevator that sends them down to Moriarty’s Super Sekrit Lair of D00m. When they get there, John gets a text:

**You took your time. SH’s brain**

John texts back, **_Where are you?_**

**I have no way of knowing. It’s dreadfully boring, if that helps. SH’s brain**

But then Moriarty shows up and knocks everyone out again with his spooky ray. When John and Mycroft and Lestrade wake up again, they have these weird belts on. John demands that Moriarty tell him what has been done with Sherlock’s brain. Moriarty is like “Derp derp, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now I will conveniently leave the room so that your stunt doubles can have a fight sequence, and I’ll talk to the Controller.”

Mycroft says, “The Controller. I wonder if he means Sherlock’s brain. Maybe his brain is—” But theres no time, because FIGHT SEQUENCE. John and Lestrade’s stunt doubles beat all up on the guards’ stunt doubles, and Mycroft’s stunt double eats stunt-cake (that’s how the diet works that Sherlock referred to that one time).

So John texts Sherlock’s brain again, **_We’re coming to get you so we can put you back in your body._**

**That is impossible. The technology does not exist yet to do such a thing. SH’s brain**

John texts back **_OKAY THANK YOU I’M GLAD SOMEONE IS ACKNOWLEDGING THAT._**

So then John and Mycroft and Lestrade are like “Marco” and Sherlock’s brain is like “Polo” and finally they find it. It turns out that Moriarty stole Sherlock’s brain so he could use it to power his Sekrit Lair (of D00m). John asks Moriarty to give it back but Moriarty’s like “LOL no.”

Thankfully, there’s some Rosetta Stone CD-ROMs about how to put Sherlock’s brain back in his body, so John breaks those out and learns quick-like. After he’s done he’s like “Whoa, it’s actually super-simple to put Sherlock’s brain back in his body. A child could do it.” And Mycroft is like, “Uh, so shall I have a child brought down here, then?” But John’s like “No no chill out I got this.”

Mycroft is a bit worried because through most of the procedure John is humming the “Foot bone’s connected to the leg bone” song to help himself along. But everything goes fine and Sherlock gets his brain put back in with the help of a sonic separator (*snort* yeah, this separator could be a little more sonic) and Sherlock instructing John to stimulate his nerve endings, which unfortunately is the closest this story gets to Berlynn Wohl’s tradition of “putting the NC-17 in NCC-1701.” The end.


End file.
